"My plate is very full," says Sylvia. "I
love my mother and want her here with me, but right now
it feels like all I do is work and take care of my mother,
my house and my son. There isn't any energy left over
for me."
Sylvia fits the definition of caregiver posted by the
Family Caregiver Alliance: "family, friends and neighbors
who stand by those they love as they face chronic illness,
disability, or death...some are new to caregiving...and
for others providing care has become a way of life."
Caregivers are on call seven days a week, despite added
career demands, and they often ignore their own needs
while ministering to others. Well intentioned caregivers
who are motivated by generosity, loyalty and love frequently
experience stress, loneliness and depression. Eighty percent
of them are women, and many face the special circumstances
of "the sandwich generation," those caught between
two generations that need their assistance. Their time
is sliced in half while their responsibilities double.
They lack time, privacy and social lives. Not surprisingly,
taking care of themselves gets put on the back burner.
There is a delicate balance in this situation: a sick
person's well being hinges on that of the caregiver. When
the caregiver exhausts their own physical and emotional
resources, the person needing care will suffer too. How
can this balance be restored and maintained?
The Family and Medical Leave Act ensures that employers
recognize workers' needs for leave to provide care to
elders and disabled family members. Support groups abound
that offer emotional and social outlets for overburdened
and isolated caregivers. Adult day care services, Meals
on Wheels and Senior Companion programs can help fill
in the blanks left when caregivers must be at work.
The Council on Aging for Southeastern Vermont offers
an important source of support through their Caregiver
Respite Grants. They provide a period of rest and
relief to unpaid primary caregivers, and may pay for adult
day care or in-home services. The value of the grants
in providing funds to get a break from the exhausting
responsibilities of caregiving cannot be underestimated.
For any caregiver, time off is often the most crucial
element in caregiving.
Sylvia recognized the toll that caregiving was taking
on her life when she felt dangerously close to burnout.
Before allowing that to happen she took some steps to
re-create a personal life in order to strengthen her emotions
and maintain her health. She joined a gym near her job
and works out when she can. She bought a crockpot and
cooks up large batches of nutritious soups and stews that
last for several meals and are more healthy than the salty
pizzas and take-out she had begun to rely on. She designated
two evenings a month as "hers" to socialize
with a friend. She makes it a point to take at least one
nap on her weekends. And most important, she learned to
ask for help.
"I was overwhelmed with the generosity of members
of my church when I let them know about my circumstances,"
she says. "From shoveling snow, to offers of casseroles
and rides to doctor appointments. One gentleman picks
up my recyclables once a month when he passes by on the
way to drop off his own. He has no idea how much that
means to me."
One additional step that Sylvia took was to invest in
a personal emergency response system for her mother called
Lifeline (also available from Link to Life). Eunice now
wears the small electronic device when she is alone in
the event that she has an emergency. With the push of
a button help can be on the way.
As for Sylvia, her new personal mantra for respite from
her caregiving burdens looks like this:
- Healthy Eating
- Exercise
- Social Contact
- Rest
It has enabled her to focus more clearly on the rewards
of taking care of those she loves.
RESOURCES
- Senior Helpline (800-642-5119) can connect caregivers
to support groups, Meals on Wheels, Senior Companions,
Caregiver Respite Grants, and Adult Day Care options.
- Lifeline (800-LIFELINE).
- Link to Life (800-848-9399).
