Compared to national figures Vermont's numbers are less
dramatic but no less disturbing: the Green Mountain state
ranks 46 out of 51 on the charts, but shows a nearly 25%
increase since 1990.
Beset by social ills, American society has given birth
to "skip-generation households," composed of grandparents
and grandchildren, with no middle generation. The majority
of these households are headed by women.
The reasons for the growing trend vary but are often tied
to the breakdown of the family because of social upheaval:
family violence, divorce, teen pregnancy, substance abuse
and incarceration are common factors. Poverty is often the
subtext, yet all socioeconomic groups are affected.
Ruth M. and her husband Chuck live in southwestern Vermont.
Their 29 year-old daughter, a single mother, is in and out
of drug rehabilitation and unable to hold a job. Her seven
year-old son lives with Ruth and Chuck, who are both sixty.
They planned for early retirement but instead face years
of parenting that includes homework support, after-school
sports programs, teacher conferences and expenses they never
planned for. Are they angry? "Not at all," says
Ruth. "We love him and want him to have a stable life.
We can't seem to help our daughter but we can make a difference
for our grandson. But it's hard and we're making big sacrifices
to do it."
Generations United is a national organization that supports
intergenerational programs. The organization reports that
grandparents who step up and assume the parenting role save
taxpayers millions of dollars while saving their young kin
the emotional trauma of being put in foster care.
The task of keeping a family together and being emotionally
and financially committed is a heroic role that grandparents
play. For older seniors it means stretching their fixed
incomes to meet the demands of a second family. Elders facing
declining health and earning power must make huge emotional
adjustments to raise grandchildren who were robbed of their
parents. Retirement savings may be depleted and working
years stretched much further into the future.
Emotional ties to the missing parents and unrealized expectations
for reuniting add to the challenges skip-generation families
grapple with. Many grandparents have realized that in order
to provide health insurance coverage to their youngsters
and enroll them in school they must create a legal relationship
with them. Legal guardianship or custody can open the doors
to accessing services for children. It may be required for
grandparents to testify against their own children in court
in order to gain that custody, and the toll on a household
can be great.
Despite the hardships, these "grandparents to the
rescue" report that the sacrifices are worth the gain
in love, security and commitment for their grandchildren.
Many admit that parenting keeps them young and reminds them
that parental love, at any age, is sweet.
RESOURCES
- Grandparents as Parents: A Survival Guide for Raising
a Second Family. Sylvie de Toledo, 1995.
- Second Time Around: Help for Grandparents Who Raise
Their Children's Kids. Joan Callander, 1999.
- Raising Our Children's Children. Deborah Doucette-Dudman,
1997.
Senior Help-Line in Vermont is a local resource for grandparents
raising grandchildren. Call them at 800-642-5119.
- Generations United provides information and resources
to grandparents. 202-638-1263 (www.gu.org)
- American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) Grandparent
Information Center publishes a newsletter for grandparent
caregivers. 202-434-2296 (www.aarp.org)
- Grandsplace website offers resources and online discussions
for grandparents raising grandchildren (www.grandsplace.com
or 860-763-5789).
