According to Tom Blake, author of Finding Love
After 50, there are over 29 million singles over fifty who
are looking for love. His guide on how and where to begin
searching for that special someone is just one indication
of how thinking has changed regarding society's view of romance
after the first half century of life. Another is the rise
of online dating for seniors.
More than a million men and woman over 65 in the U.S. are
testing the waters of computer assisted love. Match.com,
one of the largest online dating sites, has seen membership
of senior singles grow 122% during the last year. Senior
Friend Finder, the largest internet dating site for seniors,
has 1.4 million members.
With baby boomers waiting in the wings to enter their golden
years, they are expected to change the face of traditional
dating with their more liberal attitudes about sex, cohabitation
and romance. Even AARP, formerly defined by its focus on
legal, medical and retirement issues for the elderly, has
added an advice column called "Modern Love" to
its magazine.
What the numbers and trends tell us is that romance doesn't
retire at 65. Whether motivated by loneliness or lust, finding
love later in life is for many as exciting a quest as it
was in their youth. The rules have changed and so have the
expectations, but finding love at any age is sweet. Some
important differences to consider the second (or third)
time around:
- Because of social changes, it's acceptable for woman
to take the initiative and ask men out.
- Reduced working hours (or none at all) provide flexible
dating times and greater possibilities for travel with
your newfound companion.
- There is no age limit to enjoying sex. In a recent study
of 1,300 men and women by the National Council on Aging,
over 60% reported that sex in their sixties was as satisfying
or more satisfying than it was in their forties.
Jane Juska wrote A Round-Heeled Woman, which chronicles
her romantic escapades as a senior female looking for physical
love. She says, "Dating is just as terrifying and interesting,
risky, fun and exciting at seventy as it is at twenty-six."
So how do you start? Relatives, friends and coworkers are
still the best way to meet people. But if these avenues
yield no contacts try singles groups, dating services or
online dating (see Resources at end of article). Some services
provide screening and try to connect clients with similar
backgrounds and interests. Fees vary but the general rule
is the more consulting and personal attention the service
provides, the more expensive it is. Some run in the hundreds
of dollars.
Online dating, while cheaper, requires that you do most
of your own searching and follow-up. Match.com sends members
selected profiles of possible strong matches each week that
their computerized service selects out of the thousands
of potential matches. It is up to members to make the contact
via email and check out each person on their own. But BUYER
BEWARE, as most online dating sites merely provide a list
and the opportunity to look into someone's background on
your own.
With internet dating it is easy for people to stretch the
truth about age, weight, income and background. For all
the success stories of online dating, there are many disappointments.
You must use common sense, follow your intuition if something
doesn't feel right, and don't even plan to meet someone
who you sense isn't being forthright with you.
If you decide to take the plunge and risk your heart once
again, remember to follow a few simple rules at the outset:
* chat by phone before you meet in person
* always meet in a public place the first time and keep
it simple, like meeting for coffee or a walk in the park
* use your own car so you are free to leave when you
feel you want to end the meeting
* persevere---it may take scores of dates with strangers
before you meet someone compatible. And if you're lucky
you might even find love.
RESOURCES
- Match.com ($19.95
per month)
- Seniorfriendfinder.com
($24.95 per month)
- Matchmaker.com
($19.95 per month)
- Upper Valley Singles Club (P.O. Box 5022, Hanover, NH
03755)
- Compatibles (fee based dating service for VT and NH
singles) www.compatibles.com
or (603) 643-1760
- Finding Love After 50: How to Begin. Where to Go. What
to Do. Tom Blake, $17.95.
- Senior Help-Line (800-642-5119) can help you connect
with seniors in your area for community fellowship and
support.
